i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
