I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
