WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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