Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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