yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
