I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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