i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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