Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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