how can u be prego again
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
