chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize