and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
