he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
