There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
