oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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