Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
and she was petting her beer can
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
