Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
