I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
