Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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