so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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