Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
