Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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