yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
