It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm both gender and math confused
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
