Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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