it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
