When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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