why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
