i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
