Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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