Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
