if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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