i just wanna soil my oats bro
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
