Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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