sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
