I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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