I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
