don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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