Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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