he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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