If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
