wake up i wanna do it froggy style
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
