my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
