He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
