its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
