my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
