Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
