we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize