I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
