I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
