Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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