I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
