I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
