Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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