So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
