not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
