She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
