dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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