oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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