their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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