is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
