how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
