i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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