It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
