My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
